No, I Will Determine Who I am!
Now that I have my Luci, I’m constantly thinking of what I want to leave her with; what I want her to learn from me, from life. I always go back to the whole self-confidence issue. I’ve struggled in this area my entire life and just when I think I’m making headway, I allow something or someone to knock that ol’ confidence right outta me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m loads better than I used to be and on the whole, I think I’ve grown into a confident young woman (young being the operative word here 
). But, it amazes me how some people out there in this big ol’ world seem to make it their #1 priority to spew their negativity and spread it around with the apparent goal of instilling self-doubt upon everyone in their path. I’ve encountered people like this time and time again. Seems as if we can never escape good ol’ junior high. I try to ignore it, try to live above it, and on good days, I succeed at that. However, I do have the occasional bad times where it just gets to me. I really do care too much about what people think of me, always have.
My goal for Luci is to be above all of this. I want to instill in her a self-confidence at an early age that will last her entire lifetime. Life is too short for self-doubt, to always be questioning who you are and comparing yourself to other people and always worrying about what others think of you.
Never have I heard this sentiment expressed so beautifully as in this interview with Sidney Poitier that I heard the other day. What an incredible man. I could listen to him tell stories all day.
About half-way in, he talks about moving to Miami after growing up on a small island in the Bahamas. He faced horrible racism and negativity. He states that it was the first time in his life when other people tried to define him. They tried to tell him that he was not who he thought he was; that THEY would determine what he was. Luckily, thanks to his parents and his upbringing, he lived above all of this negativity and decided that no one else was going to get the chance to define him, with a resounding “NO! I will determine who I am!”
At the end of the interview, he talks about the day he left the Bahamas, and remembers his Dad’s send-off. His Dad gave him a lecture and $3 and waited on the dock as the boat took off. Sidney remembers looking back at him and knowing what he was thinking: “He was thinking whether he and my mother had given me enough before I had to go out into the world”. And, he wasn’t talking about the money…. And yes, it is abundantly clear that they did indeed give him enough…. Plenty.
Isn’t that every parent’s ultimate goal and worry? I know it’s mine. I know the time I have with Luci is going to go by so quickly. Before I know it, she’s going to be heading off to college, to experience the world, life on her own. I hope to God that I am able to give her what she needs before she goes, that I am able to give her enough.
Lesson #1: Don’t let anyone else try to tell you who you are, lil’ Luci. Only YOU get to determine that.