Dear Skanky Gym Dude

Dear Skanky, smelly-ass Gym Dude,

It is NOT ok to smell as bad as you do.  It is NOT acceptable for you to come barging into the track like you own the place, with your dang smelly, stinky, deeeesgusting gym outfit made of crap.  And, your stupid, stinky “running shoes” that aren’t even running shoes at all, they’ve got no arch support, and they suck.

I’m all for working out.  I’m even all for working out and stinking afterwards (just ask Craig).  I am, however, NOT all for stinking so bad BEFORE you even start working out that you make other people gag and almost barf up their lunch when you run past them.  So, dear skanky gym dude- just a little helpful hint- it is NOT against the law to wash your clothes after a workout.  Nope.   AND, it may surprise you but it’s not against the law to, let’s say, wear varying sets of workout clothes on different days of the week.  There is no hard and fast rule that says you MUST workout in the exact same smelly-ass, puke-green shirt and sucky khaki shorts every day of the freaking week.  I bet you don’t even change out your socks, you grodie-barf-a-riffic-Mr.stinkz-a lot- piece of workout grossness.

Seriously.  Why do all old dudes at the gym stink?  I’m going to do a study and I bet I’ll find that all old guys, let’s say 44+ers, are big-time stinkers.  Seriously, you walk into the faculty weight room with all the old dudes and the pungent B.O. smell that washes over you immediately upon crossing the threshold is enough to bout knock the breath right outta ya.  I did a test one time and walked up to the student weight room, opened the door and was pleasantly surprised with the sweet smell of cheap men’s cologne.  I’d take cheap cologne (heck, I’d even take country cologne) over old-geezer-B.O. any day of the week.   Seems these old geezers have either lost their sense of smell or are just too old to give a damn.

Skanky, smelly-ass gym dudes????  Young or old!!??   —-  “That’s a deal-breaka, ladeeez”!!!!