Stinky Marie

Beers, Beaches, Boats, Buds, Bonefish and ummmm… Beers. And, Beaches.

Boo hoo hoo.

Getting back to reality has proven to be even more difficult than I ever thought possible. I miss my island. Don’t get me wrong, being back with Luci is a-mazing (God, we missed her!). I just wish I could’ve brought the island home with us. Seriously, y’all- I cried when we got in the boat and drove away from our favorite private island that we found. I cried when I saw it for the 1st time and cried when I had to leave it. I’ve never {in my entire life} been as relaxed as I was the entire week. It was so crazy-amazing. Shannon relaxed? Without medication or red wine? Now, that must be somethin’, you say. And, I say, yes, you’re right! It really WAS somethin! Oh, ok, so there WAS plenty of Kalik involved. Oh, and rum. And sun. And the prettiest sights I’ve ever seen.

Getting around to writing this post has proven quite difficult. Came back and hit the ground running- work, life, etc, has been CRAZY. Glad I finally got er done though!

We had the time of our lives. And, I’m happy to report that this episode of “Honkies Go to the Beach” ended very happily, with no real sunburn issues, thanks to 6 full bottles of sunscreen ranging from 30-60 spf each. And, all I can say is Shiseido RULES. And yes, we went through just about all 6 bottles.

my fav shot- our fav island

Staniel Cay
Located in the Exumas, Bahamas, Staniel Cay is an island with a population of around 79! Yes, 79! The Bahamas are made up of around 700 different islands and the Exumas are a long chain of around 100 islands southesast of Nassau. Staniel Cay, an “out island” of the Bahamas is located about 75 miles southeast of Nassau and the only way to get to it is by chartered plane or boat. We stayed at the Staniel Cay Yacht Club and had a great stay. I’ve never been anywhere as beautiful in my entire life. The waters-the bluest, clearest I’ve ever seen- and they just go on for miles and miles. The beaches- completely private (countless rumors floating around of crazy people going nude on said private beaches-bunch of crazies! But seriously- they were so private that you could if you got the hankerin’. In fact, I wanted to title this blog post: “Beers, Beaches, Boobs, Butts, Bonefish….” but Craig wouldn’t let me). Speaking of butts….snow-white, incredibly soft sand. Amazing. Truly unspoiled beauty (save the island that just opened some sort of fancy pants resort that the locals and people who’ve been going to Staniel Cay for years for its unspoiled beauty seem to hate- I tend to agree with them). I think I’m going to retire on Staniel. Or, maybe even move there and start my own bonefishing boating excursion extravaganza. Or really, ya know my dream of opening up my own bed and breakfast? What if it’s a beach house on Staniel Cay? Our entire last day there was spent concocting ways we could work it out. Maybe someday. Or somethin’. I’ll definitely be back. Yearly, if I can at all manage it.

Note- if you’re looking for the resort feel with lots of stuff to do, this place is NOT for you! The yacht club is the only show in town. Perfect for us but if you’re looking for a party/social scene, restaurants, bars, fancy-pants hotel rooms, etc etc, this isn’t for you. Bare bones, no frills type of place.

pristine! heaven!

Here’s the Trip Report (and, I know it’s long- this is really for my memory/records so you can skip onto the pics if you want-photo link at bottom of post):

Day 1:
Arrive in Ft Lauderdale and took shuttle to South Beach Miami. Besides major blisters from walking around in high heels in the humid-as-hell Miami heat, it was a great evening. We ate at Sushi Samba, had drinks at the Delano hotel, and the rest is kinda a blur. A few crazy-expensive bars later, some weird bathroom incident involving Craig and a toilet, a 2:00 am grilled cheese, and we called it a night. Miami was NOT the highlight of the trip but neither of us had been there before so we’re glad we got to experience it. Wouldn’t necessarily ever go back on my own accord, however. Just not my scene. But it was fun for a night.

Day2:
Arrived at the airplane hangar at the executive airport in Fort Lauderdale after a crazy ride with the Super Shuttle guy who, during the shuttle ride to the FLL airport, with like 3 grandmas in their 80’s and 3 other random people, asked us what airline at the FLL airport (they don’t drop off at the executive airport so we were just going to take a taxi from FLL). I told him we were taking a taxi from FLL to the exec airport. He asked what chartered flight we were on. Told him. He then said he could drop us there, it’s on his way home, for $10 cheaper than a taxi ride. I then said, well, we kinda gotta make a few stops first. He asked where to? I said (keep in mind, I’m at the very back of the bus so I’m shouting over everyone)….. “well…. Hey, do you know if they sell liquor in the grocery stores in Florida”? He said: “why, you need liquor?” Me: “Yes, and beer” (laughs all around). And food. And toiletries. By that time, the entire bus was cracking up for they realized that yes, we’re getting on some small chartered flight and yes, we’re bringing our own booze. Nice. Classy lady, here. That’s right.

The flight wasn’t as bad as one would expect. The plane was cute. It held a total of 9 whole people!!! (Yeah, real cute there Shan). I may or may not have been a little hungover after the post-Miami mania, so I may or may not have been chuggin’ water all morning long. Turns out it was a great, great thing I did. For, you see, I had to pee so bad (plane not big enough for a bathroom, you see), that was allI could think about. Totally made me forget the fact that I was risking my life and the life of my true love on the teeniest-tiniest plane known to man (seemed like it, anyway). Had to stop for Customs in Congotown, thank God, cuz I couldn’t have made it like 5 more minutes. Hit the bathroom, twice–good-to-go for the 2nd stretch (and see, after we had already landed and taken-off once, when I was completely preoccupied with pee, I was operating at my lowest possible anxiety-level at that point-a little {or a lot of} pee can work wonders sometimes).

Arrived at the Staniel Cay Yacht Club. All I can say is this: The dude who drove us over in the truck from the airstrip just drops us off on the dock. I look at him and ask where the office is to check in. He points to the bar. Yep, that’s right- check-in and check-out done at the freakin’ bar. My kinda place. Oh, and also, the only tv on the whole damn island, maybe (kidding, but the only tv at the yacht club- the cottages don’t have em, or phones) was in the bar, and shit if I’m not lying, was airing some sort of damn “greatest college football program of all damn time/in the entire damn universe” special on the damn Carolina Gamecocks! T’was fate! (Ok, so maybe it was just a few clips of fumbles and such, but o’well, a girl can dream). But still- the Gamecocks? On Staniel Cay? The minute we walk in? Seriously?

Day 3
As if things couldn’t get any better: We find our boat. That’s right, if you stay at the Staniel Cay Yacht Club, you get your own boat (well, you pay for it). You use said boat to tool around to all the little islands around. I think you can get to like 30 or so different islands on the tank of gas they give you. You literally drive until you find one that’s uninhabited by tourists, and it’s yours for the day. We quickly found like a bazillion that we would love to claim as our own for LIFE. Breathtaking beauty, everywhere you look. Everywhere.

One of my favorites was the island of swimming pigs. Literally, the swimming pigs come swimming out to your boat from the beach looking for food. They’re pretty big. I like nature and all but these things were loud and a bit aggressive. At first, I was wondering if they could swim-fly into the boat for the Lance crackers we so graciously brought for them to eat (we forgot to let the SCYC staff know we were going so they could give us leftovers for the pigs- I wonder if they eat bacon??). Once I realized they could not jump into the boat, I got more into it. They were so damn cute!!!!! I wanna live on their island with them and just hang out with em now. How did they get there? Do they really like to swim? Do they eat fish? What do they do all day? Where do they get their water to drink? How DID IT ALL HAPPEN??? Those are questions I may never know the answer to- one of life’s great mysteries, I suppose! After this awesome day, back to the club. And bar. Met tons of awesome peeps.

Here piggie piggie!

Day 4
I think this is the day we found our favorite private island. As I mentioned, I cried the first time I stepped foot on it. It was so beautiful, I cried. Enough said. 8 hours and 8 Kaliks later, back to SCYC for a lil’ dinner and bar-action. Perfect perfect perfect day.

Day 5
Kearje (crap, I knew I wouldn’t be able to remember the spelling-I should’ve written this up a lot sooner!), or “Kea”, an employee of the SCYC, is the BIGGEST SWEETIE I have ever met. He was so kind and took us on a tour all around to all the islands, so we could 1) get a feel for where we were and 2) get a feel for how to operate the boat. He may have offered this because he was a witness to a minor Shannon-freak-out concerning Craig operating the boat on his own. I was scared. I don’t normally like boats, and I don’t like open water. Or sharks. Or being stranded. Or running out of gas. And stuff. So, Kea offered to do it up right for us, island-style. Kea took us to swim with the sharks. He took us to the lizard island. He took us to the island where he lives and showed us his house and the homes of other folks we met at the club. He took us to Willy’s house (see below). It was an all-day excursion of places we may never have seen without the help and knowledge of a local. I hope to go back next year and I’ll bring Kea some sort of gift. We told him we were from TX and he asked us if we knew Walker Texas Ranger. :-) He was awesome. We got back and biked over to Pirate’s Beach (a really awesome beach on Staniel Cay that has a natural infinity pool-where the Caribbean meets the Atlantic, wow! That’s where we met Titus (see below). After that, bar- where we caught up with our friends.

Day 6
Boat. Beach. Beer. Rain (the only 1/2 day it rained). Cottage. Bar. Buddies.

Day 7
Boat with Chris and B (see below). Our awesome friends we met at the SCYC bar. They were soooooooo kind and took us out on their boat. I don’t think I would’ve tried some of the things I tried that day unless we were with those two exact people. No one else. They took us snorkeling. They took us drift diving. Then, they took us snorkeling in caves (Thunderball Grotto to be exact- where the Bond move Thunderball was filmed!) with crazy currents that I, yes, me, surprisingly tackled. It was the most beautiful experience ever. I was a bit embarrassed though: 1) cuz at around 11:30, Craig and I totally broke out the rum and 2) They got to witness a not-so-minor Shannon full-throttle panic attack! As I mentioned, I hate open water. And, I also hate snorkeling equipment and feeling like I can’t really breathe properly. I kinda lost it. But, they totally calmed me down, I think, because they were just so calm and sweet. I just felt so much more comfortable with them around- they’ve been going to Staniel Cay for 25 freakin’ years and know the area like the back of their hands. Chris knows like every single type of fish in those waters; they knew every kind of coral, knew what kind of coral not to rub against (unless you like the feeling of being engulfed in red hot flames for like 3 weeks). I was SO glad they invited us out!!! It pretty much made the trip for us. So, if you’re reading guys- thank you!!!!! Hope to see you next year! This time, the boat’s on us! Oh- and also, thanks for telling me the story about the Bull Shark AFTER our 1st snorkeling stop-otherwise, I would’ve never gotten outta the boat!!!! Oh, and Chris saw like a 15 foot barracuda that day, while we were drift diving- glad I wasn’t on his side of the boat!!

Chris and B, or Diane or Reese (I think she looks like Reese Witherspoon)

Storm Chaser- Alan's the captain of this boat- he gave us a tour!

Oh, what started that day out was the 4 of us, tooling around to Sampson Cay, where crazy Cap’n Alan’s yacht (Storm Chaser) was docked. Ya see, the night before, at the bar, after lots of Kaliks and mango daqs, Alan invited us onto the yacht for a tour. And, I’d bet a million bucks he never expected our asses to actually show up! Ha! Felt like an asshole. We made one pass-by to see if Alan was outside and Zach, his son, was out mopping the roof or something (very technical yacht-terms, I know), and he sorta just waved. We just ’bout gave up at that point, out of embarrassment. That is, until we dock the boat to grab a few things at a store and before we know it, Craig’s walked up to the damn GIANT yacht and knocked on the damn door (I didn’t even know yachts HAD doors!)!Jesus! How embarrassing. But hey, it worked! Alan was there and seemed totally cool with touring us around. And, the yacht was amazing. Alan is amazing. So is Sally and Zach. Awesomeness all around! My 1st yacht experience! Cooooooool. And, Alan is the coolest, craziest and best-lookin Cap’n I’ve ever met (ok, I haven’t met too many, but he was def. awesome!)!

Day 8
Last day. 8 hours of perfection on our favorite private island. Perfection. Tears when we had to leave. Oh, and funny story- got to the dock. I was sorta the “front of boat lady, responsible for grabbing rope dealio”, and totally ATE IT big time, and fell right on my butt in the boat….. just out of sheer clumsiness (and rum may have been involved). THEN, when I got it together, stood up and balanced myself and had us ready to tie-up, I noticed the camera was sitting in water in the boat, so I dropped the rope and lept for the camera. Well, Craig sees this, and for some reason, freaks the hell out because we’re drifting away from the dock, lunges forward for the rope and HE totally eats it and falls on his butt! Keep in mind, the dock totally backs-up to all the cottages so I’m sure all the SCYC guests saw the entire damn thing. Classic moves right there. Dem’ Chapman’s are a graceful bunch!

Craig was the man at man-handlin' the boat. Quite hot, really.

Day 9
Worst day ever. Complete shock to the system arriving back in the FLL airport with a bunch of turds hanging around. After being off the grid for a week, I felt like I was in some sort of weird, alternate universe plagued with greasy too-tan dudes donning wife-beaters, belt-phone clips and ladies with too big boobs and too big hair. Nightmare.
But, alas…..we got to come home to this beautiful slice of heaven so all’s right in the universe:

Cast of Characters:

One of the best things of Staniel is the people. Holy crap. I’ve never met so many amazing folks in my life. Characters of all types. If you don’t take advantage of striking up conversations in the SCYC bar, after a glorious day on your own private island, you’re insane. You meet people from all walks of life. Yacht crews, yacht owners, people who are there for the same reasons you are- (to completely escape, get “off the grid”, experience the complete unspoiled beauty of the Caribbean, exactly how it’s supposed to be- sans touristy resorts with oily-greasy douche-bags, booming techno music and just crap). Can you tell I hate places like Cancun, Miami, etc etc???? Yuck. The people here RULE. I looked forward to spending every night in the bar catching up with everyone we met, inquiring about their day and the plans for their next day in paradise.

David-owner of SCYC. Totally helpful and totally HOT. And, he pretty much has a drink in his hand the entire day. Need I say more?
Shyvette- (sp?) An amazing woman who took the BEST care of us. I voted for her for employee of the month, she could run that place. Totally awesome.
Kea- sweetie-pie, hope to see him again next year. He’s the one who took us all around in the boat- got to see his house, Shyvette’s house, Willy’s place, swam with sharks with him for the first time. Lizards and some of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.
Karl-awesome bartender who makes the best mango daquiries I’ve ever had!
Dave-another amazing bartender with a smile that will light up your world.
Alan #1- Man- I wish I could’ve talked to Alan more. I met him at the bar one night and started chattin’ him up. He’s from Staniel Cay and is a sailor. And, get this- he used to sail the Kennedy’s back to Mass. every year after their vacation near Staniel. Yep. I think he said he did that for like 20 years in a row or something crazy. He was awesome.
Alan #2- The most hilarious Aussie I’ve ever met. Crazy Cap’n Alan. Love him. I would be his stew any day of the week.
Sally- Alan’s stew on Storm Chaser. Totally hilarious, crazy and fiesty. Loved her!
Chris and B- see above, the sweetest couple! Hung out with them a good bit-I hope to see them again one day! AND, they live in freakin’ Dallas! (Or as Chris puts it…… :-( Daaaallaaaas. Not too thrilled ’bout Dallas. I don’t blame him.
Jay and Naomi- Crazy Texans!!!!! They were so much fun! One night, Craig and I were supposed to go out with them but we were way too tired from a day spent in the sun. We passed them on the way to our cottage and they asked if we were going, I said, “no, I’m tired”. Very next response: Naomi: “I’m DRUNK!” My kinda lady. Jay is a true Texan and brings his own peppers with him wherever he travels- like pounds of his own peppers!!!! Jay gave me a book he finished reading on the trip, and it’s awesome- too sweet!
Bonnie- Bonnie was the sweetest lady, met her in the bar (of course). She was the owner of the very 1st yacht we saw in Staniel Cay- a complete beauty (both the boat and Bonnie). She’s from NC/GA and spends about half of her year tooling around the Caribbean on her boat with her super hot 1st Mate and Captain. Awesome.
Birkee-I never got to really talk to him much but met him twice- once in his store (only store on the island, really), and another time getting gas in Chris and B’s boat. Rumor has it that Birkee (sp?) was in a landing-strip accident involving an incoming plane. The accident resulted in the loss of his arm. Crazy story. Super nice guy.
Titus- a hilarious little guy, 7 yo, I think, who we meant on Pirates Beach during our sunset extravaganza. Hyper little guy but smart as a whip. He, for the life of him, could not believe that I, Shannon Chapman, could have ever been 7 years old.
Willy- Willy is amazing. He is a driftwood artis and he gave us a tour of all of his work-that he’s been compiling for the last 30 YEARS! Amazing! Also- the man can grow anything. Made even more impressive by the fact that his entire yard is STONE. He finds a way to grow his produce through holes in the stones- let’s see, he had mango, papaya, grapefruit, sea-grapes, guava, aloe, bananas, some kind of apples, sweet potatoes, and the list goes on and on. It was pretty amazing.
Steve-perhaps one of the best stories I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Met Steve in the bar. Asked him where he was from (looked a bit touristy, like everyone else in there)….. his response: Oh, I live here. Really? How did that happen? Get this: (and I hope I remember this right): About 5 years ago, he and his wife were vacationing on Staniel Cay, not unlike Crazel and myself. Started talkin’ up a guy in a bar, a few drinks later, gave him his business card. Steve is in IT (network guy). Steve and wife leave island. About 3 weeks after their return to the states, Steve gets a call from this guy. Tells Steve he owns his OWN ISLAND near Staniel Cay, and he needs the interweb real bad. Can he do it? Well, uh….. (can you imagine?)……. sure, uh, when do you need it? Well, as quick as you can do it, a few weeks???? Turns out, this dude Steve met in the bar is like a bazillionaire, owns a company, like 5 on Forbes…….owns his own damn private island. Flies Steve and his wife to said island to set up this whole interweb thing- on private jet. Stay in the guest house (marble everything, totally posh). Steve sets this guy up. The rest is history. 5 years later, Steve lives on Staniel Cay and has a business setting up internet, etc for all these richie private island-owning mofos (read: Johnny Depp, Faith Hill/Tim McGraw), eveyone who owns a private island around Staniel, Steve sets them up. INCREDIBLE! Goes to show you, you never know who you can meet in a damn bar!